By Dr. Scott Walt
They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing, to declare that the Lord is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him. (Psalm 92:14–15)
A few years ago, my wife, Leslie, and I received a call from a young couple who said they were at the end of their rope. They poured out a tale of woe, beginning when the woman’s mother died and continuing with other life crises. Their marriage was struggling, their spiritual lives were dry as dust, and their hope was gone. They pushed themselves to read the Bible and pray, but it made them feel worse. What were they to do?
They were not expecting the answer I offered. I said, “You need parents.” Theirs had passed away or were unavailable, and their lives were too challenging to handle alone. Leslie replied that she would be willing to be a mother to the woman and a grandmother to her child. I added that I would participate in the roles of father and grandfather. Thus, began a new chapter in all our lives.
Grandparents have always had an important role to play in society and in the local church. Often, as believers age, we naturally transition from carrying the bulk of the work and responsibility to more advisory and support roles. Our wisdom has grown as our energy has decreased.
From the beginning, Leslie and I prepared our four children to someday live on their own—to be responsible for themselves and lead their own families with a healthy, limited amount of support from us. We used these same principles and training methods in our local assembly. We taught, trained, and gradually, gave the young people in our assembly more responsibility.
Eventually, the time came to send them out to start or serve in new works. As they matured, the time also came for me to step out of my leadership role in the home assembly. I was 53 years old.
At that point, we wondered what we should do now. Do we become spiritual parents again and raise a new spiritual family? No, we were ready to serve as spiritual grandparents. But how does that actually work?
First, when forming a new family, a man must “leave” father and mother (Matthew 19:5). In this case, the Lord led us to be the ones who would voluntarily give up our role so that a new spiritual family could form. After much prayer and discussion with the elders, we decided that even though we had left our leadership roles, we would stay in the assembly and serve as spiritual grandparents.
Second, in our discussions with the elders and, then, the entire church, we committed ourselves to submit and serve under the current leadership. We also encouraged the rest of the congregation never to come to us with issues and concerns that should be addressed to the elders.
Third, we determined that, as spiritual grandparents, we would treat the elders like we do our adult children: They can come to us for counsel or help at any time, but it must be at their initiative. What they do with it is up to them. We would also encourage them in their personal lives and marriages and ensure they get the rest and refreshment they need. We would confront and correct believers in the assembly who treat the elders with disrespect. Our priority would be to support them and the other young leaders so that they can do the work well. In today’s language, we would have the elders’ backs.
We have been in this role for nine years. Now, we are “grandparenting,” or “grandmentoring,” leaders from other churches too. We also encourage and train other seniors to assume the role of spiritual grandparents.
As for the young couple I mentioned at the beginning, Leslie offered to take their child one day per week if they would use that day for personal refreshment and to work on their marriage. They agreed. That was nearly three years ago. Last Saturday, they picked up their children (yes, plural) after another blessed day together. Their marriage is strong, and they are serving the Lord. All they needed were grandparents. ■
Dr. Scott Walt serves in Austria.
